Auto-correct fails

Him: Don't invite a lot of people to my party,
I have a tiny dick.
His date: WTF
Him: omg deck.

Daughter: I would like to go get some penis.
Mom: What.
Daughter: omg, peanuts peenuts.
Mom: Neither for me.

Coworker:  Someone is eating tina in my office.
Coworker: Tina in accounting?  Right now?
Coworker: No, please no, I never said that, tuna, someone is eating tuna in my office.

Coworker:  Can you drive to lunch today?
Cowwalker: Coworker: Can't my husband rode me to work today.
Coworker:  Sounds fun.
Coworker:  OMG DROVE, he DROVE me to work.  Shut up!

Him:  Thanks for the nice first date last night.
Her:  It was fun.
When's our second date, I can't wait to see those nipples.
Her:  Never!
Him:  OMG! DIMPLES, I meant dimples.  Sh!T.